Category Archives: Living

Mad Scientist Goods

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I know. Nobody reads product reviews. But PLEASE READ THIS ONE!

I wanted to tell you today about the magnesium cream from Mad Scientist Goods. You’ll recall from my last post that MSG are the friends who turned Jesse and me onto PEA, the substance that has given my husband back his life for the last three weeks. MSG are a husband and wife team who craft some very thoughtful products. The husband has a PhD in Medicinal Chemistry, so he’s not just some lowly handicraft-type soap-maker like myself. He actually knows what he’s doing. His wife is a perfect companion for him, being also extremely intelligent, knowledgeable, and artistic to boot, so that their stuff is not only well-formulated and efficacious, but also beautifully packaged, and appealing to the senses.

No product that comes from them is anything but the best quality. They research the dickens out of things, and then make sure everything is just right in the making of the products. That means you pay a little bit more for it, but I’m so happy to do so! I left this review on their magnesium cream page, but also wanted to direct any readers here who need magnesium supplementation to them.:

This stuff has been SO GOOD for our son’s poor sleep and abdominal migraines! Non-greasy, smells beautiful, and most importantly, seems to absorb better than any other topical magnesium I’ve tried. I use it after long runs to calm my legs down. They feel so relaxed and just *warm* after putting the cream on my feet.

My dog also tries to eat it, so it must taste good. Probably keep it out of reach of pets. It has a mild scent, barely there, but still enough to enjoy.

I’ve tried several magnesium sprays and creams and oral supplements, but for our needs, this cream has been the best thing ever. I ordered the small container listed on the website to start with, but we went through it so fast that MSG suggested I order a much larger batch. This size is not listed on the website, but they would likely be willing to do the same for others.

They were good enough to sell me two big containers like this for a good price. I’ve found MSG to be incredibly caring and easy to work with, and understanding of all of the needs we’ve had. If you have special needs, like ingredients you have to avoid, they may be able to help you come up with a solution! They’re available via email and social media, so reach out!

I’m using a lot of MSG stuff right now! I do not do paid or solicited product reviews. I hate doing most product reviews. There’s not a lot of room for creativity there. The few solicited reviews I’ve done that were creative ended up being…well, counterproductive for the advertiser. I’m afraid I’m not the best person to help anyone sell stuff. I’m doing this review because I really love these products and these people. I want to see Mad Scientist Goods succeed. If they stopped making their products, I’d be much worse off, so I need you to go make them successful, ok?

Go give my friends a browse and a buy, and I’ll come back with another review sooner or later.

 

Wagon Status: Hanging on By My Fingernails

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Oh, oops! Did I make the perfect the enemy of the good again?

Well, it’s been a good three months since I abandoned all my social media friends in favor of healthy dopamine responses and face-to-face connections. It is both a strength and a weakness of mine that, if I think something is worth doing, I will gladly leave everybody and everything behind to pursue it. It is a strength because, if the thing is worth pursuing, I’ve gained the Thing. It is a weakness because, whether I was right or wrong, I’ve just left the safety of the herd. Sometimes that is pretty uncomfortable. (Do go read that post if you want to be reminded of the depths of the covid-madness for a moment.)

Even the correct decisions made in anybody’s life will result in some downsides. When I lost a bunch of weight, I also found myself with a lot of new friends, while some of the old ones (certainly not all) didn’t feel as comfortable with me anymore. Homeschooling definitely makes a difference between us and some people we would otherwise be very like. Eating only meat makes social occasions a little less sharing, food-wise. I can make up for that stuff with tact, but it’s always going to make somebody ask, and then we have to talk about it. I got yelled at a lot during the masking nonsense. Following Jesus is so off-putting to a lot of people that they’ll never even give me a chance to say hi.

All of these things have been worth every social cost to me. But opportunity cost is a real thing to be considered. Not being on social media has had a lot of upsides. I am, indeed, paying better attention to the world around me. I’m happier, generally. I’m also feeling my emotions more appropriately–not numbed to things because I’m just on to the next post after something “affects” me, nor overly interested in things that don’t concern me. Since I swore off scrolling, I have written several blog posts I wouldn’t have had the energy to write before. I don’t know whether to apologize for the posts themselves or be proud, but it’s a fact that I have more to write when I’m not yammering on social media. I’ve transcribed some music and practiced drumming a lot more. I think and hope that my Sunday School lessons are far better thought out without the distractions. I’ve dreamed up some new schemes, saved some money not succumbing to ads, and played a few more video games. I’ve done much deeper research into things that interest me, and finished more books. I even have a book idea of my own, but I tremble to think of that too hard just yet.

I’m finding that, indeed, my mind is very much more my own, and more importantly, much more potent, since I left the Facebook and Social Galactic realms.

At the same time, I have traded something both pleasant and beneficial for all of this really marvelous head-space. I’ve lost interaction with people I really do like, who are far enough away from me that our paths don’t cross. I hate to think I’ll never chat with some of the SG folks again. I’ve learned a lot by just randomly saying ignorant things on there and waiting for the smart people to correct me. I follow a lot of Substacks and blogs, and hopefully won’t lose those good words entirely. But I don’t know what’s on everybody else’s mind to the extent that I did, and that’s a little bit sad.

I’ve also lost touch with some family. I have to drive a while to see most of them. The upside, of course, is that I do sometimes get out and do that, because I don’t want people to think I only like them on social media. To my chagrin, I find that I’m the only one who seems to feel the responsibility to keep in touch that way. Getting off social media means lukewarm people are out of my life unless I see enough value in them to pursue them myself and try to make things warmer. If they cared, I imagine they’d use the phone occasionally. I didn’t start calling it Fakebook for nothing. So that’s really another upside.

I still have all my IRL people. I’m grateful that I’ve not become lonely like I thought I might be. In fact, I’m valuing all the more those real people who have reached out in other ways after finding I’m not on the socials anymore. These are the people who really want to know me. Now I know who they are for sure.

Something else I’ve lost, and this is one that’s really bugging me, is the ability to self-promote. The fact is, nobody is going to promote my blog if I don’t promote myself. I have this blog, a book to write, and a fundraiser that’s running out of time, but I have no way to really put them out there myself. I do have long-time readers stopping by, and the occasional social media share is coming in (Thank you, friends!), as well as search engine traffic, but it is just not the same as I could do for myself.

Alas, nobody comments on blogs. That’s fine! I understand that the internet really has changed since the first version of this blog. I used to have a pretty good readership, with good interaction, but I stopped for enough years to lose most of that. The people who are reading now are at least mostly the same people who were reading back then, so I know you know how to find that comment box and say hi! Please do!

Otherwise, I won’t know what you’re thinking, where I missed something, or where to go next with my posts. The conversational kind of blogging I like to do could make a comeback, if you’d just help me out a little bit! Make Get Along Home Great Again! MGAHGA?

So, am I going to push that big “frens” button now and get back on social media? I was just thinking it through, and I really hadn’t decided until just now, but…no.

Maybe not ever, but certainly not yet. My reasons for going back aren’t really sufficient, when I consider the downsides. I’m jealously guarding my mind from distractions right now. Even if I were to set the rules that ought to keep me from getting back into the sorry state that I was in before, I don’t think it would be very long before I started to fail again. Honestly, I didn’t even write blog posts as much, because my thoughts wouldn’t last long enough. So going back wouldn’t even solve the self-promotion problem!

I am a pea-brain, friends. I can’t walk and chew bubblegum at the same time. If you are not similarly handicapped, I would appreciate a share on your own social media pages.

Whether you link to the main page or to a post that you like, or just drop a comment here on this post, I would love to just know that you’re here, that you find anything here worth thinking about. You can even argue with me, if that’s what you want! You can also subscribe to my rss feed, so that it all comes to you when it’s fresh.

 

The Saturday Clean

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It’s Saturday. We might as well talk about housekeeping.

I was talking with another mom not long ago, and, as moms are wont to do, we got onto the subject of housekeeping. So many busy families struggle with keeping the house restfully tidy, especially when they homeschool. I’ve seen some truly scandalous messes. It’s hard to blame anybody, though, when life is so full inside a live-at-home household. These are not lazy families, and in fact are more on-the-ball than ours is in most ways. There being only 24 hours in anybody’s day, it’s not surprising that the cleaning might go by the wayside.

I cannot personally live that way, though, and I don’t think my children should have to, even if I could. I once knew a family whose child was twice seriously injured because of messes. Their shelves were too full of junk, and something fell on a child’s head. Stairs with litter and toys on them caused a broken ankle. It’s not just about looks, is it? I’m sure very few of my readers will be messy to that extent. It was a bad home situation in more ways than that, as I’m sure you already intuited.

But if you do desire a cleaner home, and especially if you’re a homeschooling family, maybe I can help you think about how to obtain that worthy goal. I struggled for a while myself! While most families are leaving their houses empty to go out and do everything in a dedicated space, and while that is what most of us public-schooled kids have been accustomed to, nearly every day in a homeschooling house sees three meals served (sometimes even cooked), messes made with papers, books, science experiments, and, of course, play. Our work and play make quite a mess! It can get out of hand quickly.

Company-ready? 

We have a routine that keeps the house basically livable–lovable, even–all day long. I once heard a lady call the condition for which we aim “company-ready”, but I think that’s short-changing the family. Why does only company get to see us at our best? Don’t we all deserve a nice home to live in? We don’t want to panic-clean when a friend decides to visit in the middle of the week, no! But so much more important than what others will think of us is having a place where the family can rest their minds and bodies, where they can concentrate or let their minds wander as needed, and where they can walk to the bathroom in the dark with a fair chance of getting there with unbruised shins and unstubbed toes.

Our home is for us, not company. Loving my home is loving my people.

My friend mentioned that her mother always had their family clean the house up on Saturday mornings. Well, phooey. I had thought I was so original, coming up with that idea. I came up with it independently, anyway. I sure didn’t learn it during my upbringing! Saturday cleaning is probably the ideal way to housekeep when a family is absent for the bulk of their useful days, but it’s not quite enough when you live at home all day, nearly every day.

So our daily routine, very simple and straightforward, is to eat, work, play. Three times a day, we have the meal, then do our chores and zones, and play, ideally, comes only after all the work is done. Our schoolwork falls into the morning workload, and then I try to fit in one more thing after lunch. (Do visit that link for more great homeschooling tips than I’ll ever come up with.)

Everybody has their own assigned zone to pay particular attention to.

Blackboard with room assignments

There used to be eight names here. They grow up too fast!

I don’t have any need to remind people to eat or to play, so we only really have one rule: We do not leave the table to play.

Pray, Eat, Work, Play

Our house wasn’t particularly messy when I was a child, but I don’t really recall having set times to do any cleaning. My mother apparently just did what needed doing so quietly that I didn’t notice it happening. She’s sneaky like that. But we also didn’t live in the home all day long, nor did we have a lot of company we’d like to be ready for at a moment’s notice. We didn’t have so much stuff, either. Don’t get me wrong: I’m grateful for stuff. I’m not a minimalist at all. Don’t @ me about that. Look how many words and italics I use! I’m hardwired for maximalism.

Children don’t learn to write and draw and read and build without plenty of materials to go through. And they don’t just naturally want to clean up before moving on to the next play, so the mess can get out of hand no matter how hard we try. Even though we do the clean-up and chores after every meal, by the time Saturday arrives, we still have a lot of work to do. The daily routine is insufficient, so we spend some time cleaning toilets, floors, behind furniture, etc. on Saturdays. When Mom yells “Saturday Clean!”, everybody hops to and starts whistling while they work. It’s a very pleasant time for all of us.

OK, that’s enough daydreaming. When Mom yells “Saturday clean!”, with only a little grumbling and bargaining about who will do what, and arguing about whether we should have to deal with other people’s Legos, and the occasional fisticuffs, the children manage to work out a pretty quick way of appeasing the household tyrant so they can get back to making messes again. We’ve got the motions down, but we’re still working on the attitudes.

Now, my house isn’t as clean as it used to be, mostly because it’s fuller and fuller of life every year. I also became much more relaxed (in a good way) after I’d been on a carnivore diet for a while. Things still get taken care of, but I’m not stressing myself out about it all the time anymore. I know it seems like the simplest, almost condescending advice (as it did to me, the first time I was told), but just build a routine. It doesn’t have to be just like mine, but I know so many young wives who feel like they’re drowning in all the little stuff while they try to pay attention to the interesting parts of life. For us, paying attention to our surroundings after every meal, just for five or ten minutes, has saved us a world of irritation. The Saturday part doesn’t even feel so big after that!

Now, I am going to go clean my basement, which isn’t part of anyone’s daily chores, and looks like it! Please feel free to comment below with your own cleaning and attitude tips.

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Are You Scared of Failing?

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Or maybe even succeeding?

I write a blog post just about every time I run. But I only actually publish a post occasionally, those few times I think there might be a thought in there that would benefit or entertain somebody besides myself. I think maybe I’ve got one for somebody today!

 

Me “failing”

Thank goodness the sun came out today! I was getting tired of the treadmill, as it gives me a stiff knee. (By the way, if you know anybody who bought a treadmill to fulfill their New Year’s resolution, and then decided they don’t want it, I’d be happy to take that thing off their hands.) I did a base run of 4 miles this afternoon. I did about a 12:43 average pace, finishing in 51 minutes, and I found it an easy thing to do. My top speed was 8:54, and I hated to slow down when my watch beeped at me to knock it off. I love running faster than I should. This is a character problem, most likely.

Anyhow, while I was running, I was thinking about how, when I first decided to put on some shoes and stop moving so slowly through the world, this speed was very hard for me to maintain for more than a few minutes. Now? I can maintain a 9 min/mile speed for the same length of time that I used to sustain only 13. I expect someday, I don’t know when, to maintain a 10 minute pace with the same amount of effort I put in this afternoon. My heart rate was still a little higher than I like, but I’m making good progress with my Zone 2 workouts, too!

I do know that I’m getting older and I’m going to top out somewhere, but I don’t know where, nor when. I’m just enjoying the journey.

I’ve seen a wonderful improvement in both running and weight lifting in the last few years. I am proud of that, and I’m looking forward to being even more proud of myself in the future! I love this stuff! Many people, maybe even most, do not value what I’m doing in the slightest. That’s fine by me.

I got a really ugly comment a while back (on this Run Dump), from someone who apparently does not love this stuff. Nor does this person like me. The gist of the comment, without the profanity, was that I should give up…something. I couldn’t tell if the person wanted me to give up blogging, carnivore, running, or something else. But it was clear that she wants me to quit something I’m doing, right now! Because she thinks I’m stupid. I felt kinda sorry for her, because the only way you get this way is if you are, yourself, terrified of what other people might say about you. I don’t know who hurt this person, but it wasn’t me, and I am sorry to see a soul that stunted. Say a prayer for “notanidiot”, if you have time. There’s a lot of pain in there.

Now, I’m not saying all that so we can pile on notanidiot. This post ain’t for her. I’m saying it because I wonder how many people out there who might come across this post are afraid to try something hard, afraid to tell people what their goals are, afraid to let others know where they’ve failed, or worse, succeeded, because there are voices like this in their lives. If there’s one like this, there are a million, right? Good Lord, they might all come comment here! What then?

You might have a parent or sibling who talks to you like that, or a boss, or a “friend”. If so, I want to encourage you to do what you want to do, regardless of somebody else’s broken way of looking at you. And it is broken, I promise.

Projection is a funny thing.

If a stranger said something like this to you, would it hurt? Forget about the people who know you for a moment. What about a stranger on the internet, or in a grocery store, or at a race? I’ve made a lot of weird choices with my life, and I am fully aware of the criticism, and subsequent mental anguish, that comes with getting out of step with the rest of the herd. But the farther from the center of your life a person is, the less these kinds of statements should hurt, if you’re in a healthy mental state yourself.

Sadly, for many, it hurts just as much coming from random people as it would from their own mothers! We might even think that “random” equals “objective”, so randos must be more right than people who know us. This is faulty thinking, and I hope you’ll learn to recognize it when you fall into that trap.

The only reason this person even bothered to leave the comment was because she wanted to hurt me as much as something I said must have hurt her. You don’t waste time reading a very long blog post to which you can’t relate at all. There was something in that post that triggered her bad feelings about herself. She couldn’t have those feelings about me, because I don’t really exist. I’m just pixels on a page, until she realizes me through reading my thoughts. I was her random stranger, and she couldn’t bear what I must think of her!

But what she said couldn’t hurt me. It certainly couldn’t cause me to give up!

I realize, though, that I’ve known a lot of people who would give up at the slightest criticism. Sometimes they might give up before they even get started because they’re afraid of being laughed at or despised by people like this commenter. I haven’t experienced that feeling since I was fairly young–maybe my early twenties–because, thank God, I’ve been surrounded by encouraging and loving people who wouldn’t dream of trying to tear me down like that. Even that one person in my life who did try to tear me down wasn’t successful at it, because I was too well-loved by others to realize that I was even a target. I’m grateful for that. Some people never have that kind of love and stability in their families.

I just want to encourage those of you who might have a voice like that in your head–the voice that says “You aren’t as good as that other person.” or “Give up, you look stupid (or selfish, or ugly, or whatever).” or “Nobody’s ever going to care about this, why do you?” That other person is broken. Don’t let them break you, too.

Just go do the thing, whatever it is, that calls out to your spirit. It doesn’t have to please or impress anybody else. It especially doesn’t have to please or impress random people who don’t even know you. Strangely, that is often the person you fear the most! The young person lapping you at the half marathon might be a sweetheart with a kind word to encourage you (I’ve had that happen), or a bystander might laugh at you for being at the back of the pack and losing ground rapidly (I’ve had that happen, too). While my heart went out to each of those people in a different way, it did not affect me. It doesn’t have to make me slow down or stop, or even speed up! I admit I do sometimes have an “I’ll show you” attitude that lights a little fire under me sometimes, but it doesn’t go to my heart as something about me. I know it’s about them, and what’s in their heads, and it ultimately means nothing to me–unless I want to use it for a blog post or something.

If I had given up running, I could never have improved my running times or my health to this extent. I’d have missed out on a lot of fun and a lot of challenges, some of which I have very publicly failed. If I had given up blogging, I would never have known several readers who have become my friends over the years. There would be fewer people in the world understanding some of the things I think I have a grasp on and wish to share. And, what I am most proud of, there would be several fewer Christian babies in the world, because my blogging, stupid as it makes me look sometimes, has encouraged many young families to grow. You can’t take that away from me with ugly words.

If I had given up any of the things for which I’ve been criticized over the years, I’d be a completely different person right now. And I don’t think I’d like myself very much.

Conversely, if I had given up…whatever…I never would have had to hear such unflattering words about myself. I never would have had a stronger, faster person sneer at me. Never would have heard anybody tell me anything I didn’t want to hear about my looks or my health. I could go through my life like that, always keeping my head down, hiding, putting on the best face so nobody could see the flaws, giving up if others don’t see the value in what I’m doing.

But those flaws would still be there, and I’d be no better than I was in the beginning. I would just be fooling myself, basing my self-image on a mere idea that is named “Cindy” in other people’s minds. Why would you let yourself live like that? Yet, I can see that many do.

Maybe you’re scared to do something: carnivore, a new career, a different sport, a new musical instrument, dance lessons. Don’t let external voices–positive or negative–mean anything to your behavior. You don’t want to get into the habit of chasing praise any more than you want to avoid criticism! You just want to do The Thing, whatever it is.

It might sting a little at first to encounter the unpleasantness that will surely come your way from others, but as you see your goals coming nearer, even that little pain will be gone. This isn’t about other people’s idea of who you are. It’s about who you want to be, and who God wants you to be. He cares about these little things, even if nobody else does.

Having a Hard Time at the Fridge?

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Do yourself a favor if you’re trying to go carnivore. Make a list of the foods you CAN eat. Put it on the fridge or the pantry door. Here’s my current list.

  • Beef
  • Butter
  • Tallow
  • Salt
  • Coffee
  • MCT oil
  • Bacon
  • Eggs (Chicken and Duck)
  • Sardines
  • Cod liver
  • Salmon
  • Shrimp
  • Chicken (very occasional)
  • Pork (also occasional)
  • Seaweed snacks
  • Collagen powder

You’ll note that there are some plants and plant products in mine. Those are no harm to me that I can detect, and they make things more interesting. And there’s a supplement of collagen powder that a purist carnivore would scoff at as unnecessary. We’ll talk about that later.

There’s nothing on the list that I could eat, but don’t want to, like oysters. Yuck. It’s just what I like. I can add or subtract things to it any time I want, except while hungry. Do not decide to write something on your list just because you want it right now. Only add a food once you’ve decided, rationally and not in a fit of hunger, that it will help you reach your goals.

Why make a list, though? It’s not hard to remember this stuff, is it? But you can trip yourself up looking in the fridge and thinking, “Oh, that’s pretty close to carnivore. It has honey, but honey is an animal product, so it’s fine!” or “I used to eat these and can’t remember what the harm was. I’ll just stick that in my mouth.” And the next thing you know, whatever the harm was–let’s say it was collard greens and you had anxiety and OCD within a few hours–you now remember all too well.

I find that the visual reminder helps me to not ignore my commitment in a moment of mental weakness. I’ve been carnivore for seven years now. I ought to have the perfect hang of it, and a lot of people are just perfect about sticking to it. But I’m denying myself some foods that I enjoy that are “healthy” foods. I love to eat greens! I can eat them with society’s full approval. Good girl, eating your vegetables! Sometimes it still takes a little willpower. The list gives me visual a reminder that there is a LOT of stuff I enjoy that I can reach for instead of the bad for me stuff that I’m tempted to eat.

Also, other people can see your list. If you have a nine year-old, especially, you will never be able to put a bite of food in your mouth again without realizing that somebody could catch you being this weak. “Mommy, I don’t think that food is on your list!” I don’t know if that’s a motivator for everybody, but I do not like having other people see me weak. Maybe that’s a bad thing, but I can use this character flaw to my advantage and let it help me keep to my plan.

You don’t have to do it forever. I only do it occasionally, when I’m feeling particularly weak. After holidays (because I do walk a little off the path on special occasions), or when I’ve loosened up too much with definitions (those Epic salmon strips are sweetened with maple syrup, and gosh they’re yummy!). Sometimes I have to get myself back in line. I wish we could all be Kelly Hogan, and just never look back, but some of us are a little more swayable than others.

Keep a reminder close by if you’re struggling at the fridge.

Happy New Year 2025!

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Gosh, it’s time to update the narrative again.

I’ve been thinking about doing a New Year’s post for several days. I wanted to talk about resolutions, especially dietary ones, and find a way to encourage people to make the changes they’re already thinking about making. I guess it’s become a little bit of a ministry for me to tout a healthy lifestyle. So much so that I get to hear many confessions from people about their habits. They admit that they need to “go keto” or get more exercise or whatever. These are good paths for them to explore, and I really do want to encourage them, especially after the Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations, that they can and should do these things. The benefits are worth every effort!

I think it’s a fine, human thing to both mark the seasons gone by and to look ahead to the next year. No mere animal can do that. Forward and backward thinking is one mark of human ensoulment. I have grumbled at other times about the pointlessness of picking a day for everybody to get started on new habits, or ditch old ones, as if we all turned over a new leaf with the calendar page. But I can see both sides of it. If you’re not going to pick a day, you’ll never get started, will you? Why not have a day set aside for everybody to think about that?

But after a rough year–and our neck of the woods has certainly seen a rough year–, you might not be ready for any big changes, no matter how beneficial they might be. I’m certainly not.

Instead of changing things drastically, how about just doing a Narrative update?

Might take a little explainin’.

You see, we all have a Narrative we tell ourselves about our lives. Our personalities, our relationships, our routines are all kept in our minds, in a personal Story–a story only the individual and the Creator really have access to. No matter what I tell people about myself, no matter what others observe in me, my Narrative will never match theirs about me, nor will it ever be 100% true. People are inconsistent, and that’s not hypocrisy. It’s just reality. We’re limited in our understanding, and that includes how we understand ourselves.

My Narrative has been that I am a Jesus-loving, large-family mothering, homeschooling, meat-eating, fitness-interested woman of a certain age. There are other aspects to my Narrative that I wouldn’t share with anybody, that I haven’t even named for myself yet. I have a lot of growing and learning to do in all of my things, but that’s been my Story.

If you asked someone else if the aforementioned list looks correct from their perspective, I don’t know what you’d get. I know that God would know my Story better than I do. He’d have a lot of changes to make. My husband would probably add or subtract some of that list in favor of his own Narrative, which only includes me as a (very important) character. He can’t know my whole Story, and I can’t know his! He might say I’m all that, and a bag of chips, or he might notice the times I ate a plant and say “yeah, not really a carnivore”. People farther out from my life–friends, neighbors, haters–are going to have an even differenter view of my Narrative. They’re going to find all kinds of holes in me that aren’t even on my radar. That’s fine!

It’s not about making your Story line up with anybody else’s idea of you. It’s about making my actions true to my thinking. My New Year’s question–not resolution, for which I have no strength right now–, is this:

How accurate is my own Narrative compared to what I’m really doing?

Maybe you’re feeling like this year just brutally beat you up, and you don’t have the strength to throw yourself into one big resolution, or even a small one. Losing the weight, or finding more time to volunteer, or learning to play an instrument are all fine goals, but if your Narrative is out of whack, you’re not even going to start out in the right direction, let alone get anywhere.

Instead of saying you’re going to lose forty pounds, somehow, why not just do a Narrative Check-up? What is it about what you’re telling yourself (this food benefits me in some way) that is making you unable to do the thing you need to do (not eat this food)? Why not update your Narrative? This food is addictive for me, and I have to fight this addiction. You can only do something about it when you see it for what it really is. You are not a “comfort-food lover”. You are a carb addict.

This isn’t just about food, though. Interrogate yourself about every aspect of your life.

Do I love Jesus? Do I just go to church and put some money in the offering plate and sing the songs without allowing any effect on my heart? Have I lost my first love? I could remedy that by spending a half hour praying and reading the Bible every day instead of jumping straight to the internet to read the news. I could find a Bible study or prayer meeting to attend weekly. I could just ask Jesus to come closer to me, even as I am struggling to draw nearer to Him.

Or I could update that narrative and just stop pretending to love Jesus. (Oh, my heart, that hurts to even type! Whatever you do, don’t do that!) If something hurts like that, it’s a sign that you need to true up your behavior with your Narrative.

The Narrative is not false, therefore you CAN live up to it!

Or suppose my narrative is that I’m learning to play the piano. But I haven’t actually touched it in six weeks, and my progress hasn’t been good in months. Is this a chapter of my Narrative that needs to close? Am I truly a learner who’s merely hit a temporary stall? Or do I actually not have that kind of time, and lack the neuro-plasticity at my advanced age? If so, that’s going to have to be fine. I don’t like it. The Narrative said I’m a learner, and I really want to accomplish this. The Reality may be that, sadly, I am not going to be able to do everything, and this ambition has to go.

If you’ve got something like this, cut it out of your Narrative! You are not a piano player. That didn’t hurt like the last one, so it can go! And you can put that back in your Narrative any time, should circumstances change. You need to constantly update your expectations. Today’s a good day to do that.

Take account of your wins. These are the parts of the Narrative you want to really double down on.

For instance, both strength and endurance training are very important to me.

Narrative says: I work out in a systematic way, no excuses, and see continuous progress.

Reality says: I’m crushing that! I did have some setbacks, but every time I’ve had a choice, I have made that choice well. I can rest in this aspect of who I think I am right now.

Find your Narrative-busters and don’t let them get the better of you.

Narrative says: I eat only meat every day, and that feels great.

Reality says: Starting at Thanksgiving and going on through Christmas, I ate a little more “keto”, and it didn’t go so well for me.

This Narrative is still true, and the Reality, my behavior, got in the way. I still only eat meat every day, as a rule. The carnivore way of eating is an integral part of how I live. I can remedy this Narrative-buster by simply taking no action at all. It is lifting the fork that takes effort, not refusing to! That’s certainly not too high a hurdle to clear.

Fix your Narrative, or fix your Reality. Unless you want to go on lying to yourself or others, these really are the only two options. I could, instead of being true to the diet that I know works for me, decide that the square of dark chocolate is worth the inevitable inflammation it will cause. It isn’t, but those are my choices. The one choice I cannot allow myself is that of continuing after these indulgences to live out of accordance with the Narrative I know is true: Carnivore works better than anything I’ve tried.

Find these inconsistencies in your life and ask yourself “Should I change this part of my Narrative, or recommit to it?”

Is it hypocrisy I’m talking about rooting out? No, I really don’t think it is! Hypocrisy knows it’s lying, and doesn’t care. It’s just human imperfection we’re dealing with, normal inconsistency and frailty. We get so down on ourselves that we think we failed, think we’ve given up, when the truth is, we just need to get back in touch with Reality. Stop telling yourself one Story when another is more realistic.

For the world-weary, it may be better to take stock of your Self-story today than it would be to make a big commitment to one hard thing. Does it hurt to view the difference between your Narrative and your Reality? If so, you have two choices:

Update the Narrative, or change the Reality.