Summer Reading

Posted on by
4

Right quick, let me tell you what I’ve been reading, since I’m not writing so much lately.

Currently reading: Probability Zero, by Vox Day is on sale (and so are a zillion other books on the Based Book Sale). I’m finding it a delightful read. Among the things we can credit Vox Day with, apparently, is the Intel Inside slogan. You only have to read a little ways to find out what I mean. He’s like Forrest Gump, but not retarded. He’s just been everywhere, man. This is an important book. Read it whether you like math or not. He makes it very easy to grasp.

Also going to be reading: Hardcoded: AI and the End of the Scientific Consensus (The Mathematics of Evolution) , by the same Vox Day.

Both of these are temporarily just $.99, so hurry up and get in there.

Also, this is totally free, and written by my favorite person in the world. Jesse Dyer, whoever that is, has a bunch of short stories. His editress (ahem) has not gotten around to fixing erroneous apostrophes in the possessive “its”, so overlook those. Everybody has quirks. One of Jesse’s is “its/it’s”. I particularly like Losing Things (just breaks my heart, like a lot of them). There are a bunch of great, quick reads in the fiction section.

There were always toys going missing. My folks said I didn’t appreciate anything.
One birthday, it was a Triformer. Remember those? It was a Transformer that turned into two different things as well as a robot. It was terribly complicated; like an equation made out of metal and plastic. I remember when I got it, I threw the instructions away without looking at them. I couldn’t have articulated it then, but it wasn’t the object itself I was so interested in; it was the mind behind it. How could someone have made this thing? How could you build it?I was going to summer camp, back then. I couldn’t be left home, you see. So there I was, on the bus to camp. Kids squabbling and talking and laughing all around me, and I wasn’t hearing a word of it, because I had this object in front of me that I’d owned for about eleven hours, and I was still trying to figure it out.I finally realized that the leg joint had to twist as it extended in order to clear the wheels, and as I turned it, it.. just.. vanished. My hands closed over empty air.I screamed and screamed and screamed.The kids on the bus were.. less than understanding.

Click to read more…

Should I worry that he’s always killing off the wife, though?

Another internet friend of mine, Zaklog (real name is out there, but I don’t know if he uses it) has a lovely talent for stories. I linked you to a couple of them before. He also has a collection in the Based Book Sale called Signals from Noise: S.F. & F. Stories of Finding Meaning in Chaos, well worth full price, but $.99 right now!

I’m also currently reading a book about trail running, one about ultra marathons, a science history called The Disappearing Spoon, Bleak House, and Perfect Murder, Perfect Town (the Jon Benet Ramsey murder). I am, after all, a middle aged housewife. Interest in true crime is obligatory at [rounds to 50], isn’t it?

What are you reading, dear reader? Let’s get on the same page.

 

I Just Need to Throw Something Out Here

Posted on by
Reply

Grease the chute, so to speak.

Since summer break is here, and I’ve got the school life on easy mode, there will be a little more time for blogging. We’re having our third high school graduation this month! Three down, five to go!

I have topics planned out, and a few posts half-written. Health, food, fitness, homeschooling, headaches, large families, Jesus. All the things! But right now, I just need to publish something to get back into the habit of publishing something.

Do me a favor, friends? Leave me a comment, those few who are faithful enough to still be here after I’ve been so lax! Thank you for bearing with me.

I would love to know what kinds of things you’d like to read about. Any old topics I can resurrect for you? New things you’re learning about? What are your thoughts on just everything? It would be good to restart the conversation in a relevant place, but I don’t know exactly where anybody is right now. Any direction you want to go, I’m ready! Anything you’d like to tell me not to do? Saying so will likely make me do that very thing, but go ahead and let me know anyway.

 

Keto Shortbread Christmas Cookies

Posted on by

Bumping this older recipe to the top, since I made a double batch to take to church tomorrow. Somebody always wants the recipe:

Print Recipe

Keto Shortbread Cookies

An almond-flour alternative to a high-carb treat
Prep Time10 minutes
Cook Time15 minutes
Course: Dessert
Keyword: keto, low carb, sugar-free
Servings: 12

Equipment

  • 2 cookie sheets
  • 2 sheets of parchment paper
  • 1 large mixing bowl

Ingredients

  • 1.5 cups granulated sweetener such as a monkfruit/erythritol blend
  • 1 stick (half cup) unsalted butter room temperature
  • 2 tsp vanilla extract
  • 1/2 tsp butter extract optional
  • 4 lg eggs
  • 4 cups almond flour
  • 2/3 tsp cream of tartar optional (makes a fluffier cookie)
  • 1/3 tsp baking soda optional (makes a fluffier cookie)
  • 1 pinch salt

Instructions

  • Heat oven to 350℉
  • Cream together the butter and sweetener. Use either a hand mixer or a rubber spatula. I find a spatula is better for this.
  • Add vanilla, eggs, and extracts, and blend well with a hand mixer.
  • In a separate bowl, sift together the almond flour, baking powder, and salt.
  • Fold the dry mixture into the wet mixture.
  • Using a 2 oz scoop, form a dozen cookies per sheet, flattening the cookies with the palm of the hand (food service gloves are helpful here) or the back of a spoon.
  • If desired, top each cookie with a cherry (omit for keto, obviously), macadamia nut, or anything else you can think of!
  • Bake for 15-18 minutes, until just the edges have begun to brown. The cookies will firm up a bit as they cool. Bake one pan at a time for best results.

Notes

You can use a teaspoon of baking powder instead of the cream of tartar and baking soda. Commercial baking powders tend to use cornstarch. I have found one that uses cassava flour, as well.

I’ve shown you our adorable Advent Calendar before, haven’t I?

It’s become an indispensable tradition in our family. Some people just do a piece of candy or a small gift every day, and I have done that in the distant past. But when you are a low-sugar family, and there are eight children, that way of doing things can get unhealthy or expensive in a hurry. So I usually do activities. There is a food thing here and there, and today it was cookies!

I was going to attempt to make these traditional St. Nicholas Speculaas Cookies with a gluten-free flour, but when I mentioned that to the children, they didn’t like the idea. I think it’s OK to deviate from the plan from time to time. I’ve seen so many people stress out about putting food in their mouth that wasn’t perfect. I don’t want to see my kids with that kind of relationship with food. I just want them to know they always have a choice, and that every choice they make leads to the next one. They’ve come to understand that some foods don’t make them feel as good, even if they do provide a very satisfying experience in the mouth.

Kids want to do the best thing for themselves, if you just teach them how to think about it!

So we went to our go-to keto shortbread cookie. It really is every bit as tasty as a sugar and wheat cookie, and without the blood sugar spike and crash later on. Adding the nutmeg and cinnamon would be a very good idea, but I didn’t think to do that.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Posted on by

We’ve got a few minutes between the (lower carb) pumpkin pies coming out of the oven and the big dinner stuff going in, so I wanted to say happy Thanksgiving to my friends on GAH. I am grateful to the Lord for each one of you who stop by and give my words a place to land. I hope that I might be of some use or entertainment to every one of you! May the Lord bless your day, your family gatherings, and your “harvest” this year, even if you don’t technically have a farm. We’re all gathering and reaping something, after all, aren’t we?

What’s a Carnivore Thanksgiving like? Well, many years, I just have the turkey and carnbread stuffing, maybe a little bit of cheese, and a low-carb cranberry sauce. (Recipe coming soon!) This year, I’m probably going to also have some pie. I am at a point in my health that can spend a few HP at holidays and recover pretty quickly. I’ll lose any water weight gain within a few days, and I don’t have any food addiction to combat.

If you do have food addictions, I really, strongly urge you to make it through the day without going face down into a pecan pie. Find low-carb goodies, even if you don’t stick to just meat. Enjoy the family and friends (if you can), and don’t get caught up in wishing you could have things you can’t. Be grateful for what you can have! I don’t want to do the “starving kids in Africa” routine, but do you know how many people would like to have all that ham and turkey, and all they can get is bread or rice or starches? And Lord, have mercy, have you seen what vegans are trying to eat today?

The meat is the food! Have a great time with it!

Our spread is going to be a little bit smaller this year, as the family have been too sick to invite guests or go to anybody else’s house. We’ve got a turkey, of course, and lots of charcuterie, a cheeseball, pork rinds and steak crisps. I may decide to stay carnivore yet, there are so many good choices here! The sides are not all low-carb (sweet potatoes, after all, require marshmallows on this day), but the desserts are more careful, sweetened with monkfruit instead of sugar. I don’t mind letting the kids have some sweet stuff on holidays, but we don’t have to have sugar comas afterwards, do we?

Anyway, I’m going back to the kitchen now. That turkey isn’t going to spatchcock itself. Have a lovely day, friends! I’m grateful for you!

 

Almond Flour Pie Crust

Posted on by

Especially good for Lemon Meringue or other cold pies.

We had a birthday recently, and the child asked for pie for her treat. We only do desserts, even keto ones, on special occasions, because I like to keep the food plain for daily purposes. One of my sons said recently “My family are such Spartan eaters!” I guess that’s fair, but we have good reasons for it, and good results from it. We do also have some family in Sparta, NC, so…

Anyway, it’s a good thing the child asked for pie, because I didn’t realize I’d never posted a recipe for a crust until went to find my lemon curd recipe. The recipe for Lemon Meringue can be found here. And now the crust recipe, as promised long ago:

Print Recipe

Almond Flour Pie Crust

A grain-free pie crust
Prep Time5 minutes
Cook Time20 minutes
Course: Dessert
Cuisine: Keto
Keyword: gluten-free, keto, low carb, sugar-free
Servings: 8

Ingredients

  • 3 cups almond flour
  • 1/4 cup monk fruit/erythritol sweetener or other desired sweetener, optional
  • 6 tbsp butter cold
  • 1 egg
  • 1 pinch salt

Instructions

  • Heat oven to 325℉
  • Add dry ingredients to food processor and whiz for a second to mix.
  • Add wet ingredients and blend until a ball of dough forms.
  • Divide dough into two parts, then press evenly into two pie pans.
  • Using a fork, prick holes into the dough to prevent bubbling.
  • Bake for 20 minutes, or until golden brown.
  • Either cool or fill while hot, as required by your pie recipe.

Notes

For two whole Lemon Meringue Pies, I quadrupled the linked recipe. It’s a lot of eggs (24), and as with all keto or carnivore things, you’re going to need a lot smaller amounts to feel full.

This pie hadn’t fully cooled yet. A little drippy. Give it a long time in the fridge!

Healing and Provision for the Reeds

Posted on by

This sweet young family’s GiveSendGo was just brought to my attention.

Their journey began last year when Dan was diagnosed with pneumonia in November, which led to blood clots in his lungs, a few stays in the hospital and the discovery of aortic aneurysm, and a diagnosis of appendicitis in January that they were unable to operate on due to the blood thinners he was on to help with the blood clots. After months of drs visits and medications, Dan was finally able to get a valve replacement at the end of July. His surgery went as good as we could have hoped! The recovery though has been hard and excruciating at times but they could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Dan was finally starting to get back in his feet and it seemed as if the worst was over, until Saturday morning when he woke up to stomach pains.

If you have a few dollars to spare, I know the Lord will return your generosity out of His vast stores. Click here to give.

Campaign Image

 

 

A Christian Declaration of Independence

Posted on by

Reformation Day II

A Christian Declaration of Independence

  • Andrew Torba

A line has been crossed in the conscience of the American Christian. The theological and political chains that bound us to a foreign agenda, crafted not in the interests of our nation but for the benefit of those who reject our Lord, have been broken. For generations, we labored under a dual loyalty: pledging our hearts to Christ and the American nation while our government bowed to Israel and Jewish donors. We funded wars we didn’t believe in, silenced truths we were called to speak, and sacrificed our sons and daughters on altars of a foreign nation that scorns the very name of Jesus.

That captivity ends now.

Read the whole thing here.

Run Dump: What took you so long?

Posted on by

That’s what I’d like to know, too!

Welp. I finished my race, so kindly funded by readers and especially one C.W. who boosted the gofundme right over the top in a big way. Thank you so much, my dears!

I got a very pretty finisher medal, and earned the right to wear my Black Bear shirt:

Wave at the nice bear, everybody!

But that is pretty much the only thing I brought home this time.

What took me so long to finally tell you about it?

Well, partly I wanted there to be more of a take-home than “man, that sucked”. It did! Sucked big time! People always want to hear about the victories, right? I don’t have a single victory to tell about, except that I didn’t quit, even though I sorely wanted to. You don’t really want to hear about that, do you?

But also, the big reason I waited so long to tell about the thing is that I couldn’t figure out why. I wanted to be able to explain it, or at least try to.

Why in the world did it take me a full 12 minutes longer to do this half marathon than the last? I would like to know the answer to that, even if it’s not terribly interesting to anybody else. But without something like an answer, at least an educated guess, I’ve just got nothing useful or interesting to report.

I’ve been trying this whole time to figure out what went wrong for me that day. There were a bunch of factors that could be blamed for holding me back. I had very poor sleep, not enough to eat the day before, travel stress (do not stay at the Days Inn in Hendersonville), and a physical condition common to women that does not make running long distances very convenient. But that’s not honestly different from any other race I’ve run. I’ve always found myself at the starting line under less than optimal conditions. It’s just a fallen world, ain’t it?

Was it a mindset thing? I felt doubtful because of some lackluster runs the previous few weeks, frustrated because of a lot of non-athletic things that were coming up, angry at some folks who had really done our family a disservice, already defeated in a hundred ways before I even got there. But none of that should have held me back any more than any other time I’ve had difficulties. Usually, once I start moving, all of that disappears from my mind, and I just go. I don’t go fast, but I do go. I don’t think it was a mindset thing. When I get mad, I put on my running shoes! Physical activity makes me feel better about even the worst experiences, so I couldn’t bring mindset as an answer.

Was it my training? While I did have a little bit of a cold that kept me from training for three important weeks, it honestly wasn’t any more of a detraining than I underwent last year for much more stressful reasons. I was smart and diligent about what training I could do, and I really can’t think that poor training accounts for the absolute disaster I pulled off this year. I’m a year older, sure, but only one year. Diet didn’t change, sleep habits are good, still in very good shape for an old gal, and I don’t skip leg day. Everything should have been as good as it gets for me. I’m very confident in that.

But for some reason, I simply couldn’t go. When the time came to start running, I felt like my body didn’t even belong to me anymore. It didn’t want to do what it usually does. I couldn’t even work up a sweat! (That was actually the clue I missed. I could have saved myself if I’d realized this in-race.) In 13.1 miles, I barely was able to get my heartrate up. I just couldn’t muster a thing.

Nothing hurt. My mood was fine, except for the bewilderment. I didn’t feel tired. My shoes and socks were great! I just…couldn’t. I was flatter than a flitter.

Now, what happened there? Eighteen days later, I finally think I’ve figured it out.

I did a dumb, guys. I did a real boner. 

We all have a turtle inside. I hope my Turtle will forgive me soon.

I have been in the habit of taking salt–up to a half teaspoon with just a little water–before every workout for all of my keto/carnivore years. I often run with a bottle of pickle juice or electrolytes, as well as some plain water. When you run on fat, you burn through a lot more electrolytes than folks who are going through a lot of carbs first. Having enough salt on board is crucial. It has been for me, anyway. Some people don’t seem to have the same level of need that I do.

If you’ve ever read Waterlogged, by Tim Noakes, or done any other kind of research into hydration and exercise, you’ll know that your body can raise its own blood volume when you get dehydrated by releasing salt from your bones. But (and I don’t think Waterlogged expresses this at all adequately) you have to replenish that salt, or eventually your body will just say “Nope, I’m not giving up any more of my precious mineral just so you can go a minute faster per mile today. You’re staying down here on the ground with the mortals.”

As I said before, I couldn’t sweat, which meant I couldn’t safely raise my body heat. My brain just wouldn’t let me go. It wanted me to live, and I wasn’t salted up.

So, how did I get into this saltless state? I usually have a fairly high salt intake just in my food, plenty to keep me going without having to supplement. But I have always dosed extra salt when I want to stay out longer or go harder. It just saves my body having to find its own salt as I sweat. I always feel better during and after a run if I salt up.

I knew when I couldn’t even raise a sweat within the first couple of miles that this run was going to be abysmal. I’ve had a few sweatless runs like that recently. But for some reason, it has taken me this long to realize that not only had I not salted that morning, not even a little bit on my breakfast of boiled eggs, but I had not been intentionally salting for several weeks. During those weeks, as I think I alluded to in a previous post, I had seen a slight decline in my endurance, but I never even made the connection in my mind. Then when I got to the big day, I think I had just run out of sufficient stores to do what I came to do.

My last several runs at home have been equally umphless, except for the last two. The penultimate one, I had eaten a whole lot of bacon before, so that explains that. I usually go out fasted for an ordinary run, but the bacon looked good that day. Very salty.

And then there was today, a pleasant and suddenly inexplicably easy run, at my intended half-marathon pace of 11:30 for five miles. No sweat. Well, actually, a lot of sweat. But no difficulty at all!

What was different about today? Well, today I was listening to a podcast about metabolism while I was preparing for a run, and somebody said the word “salt”. I thought, “Gosh, I really oughta.” So I did. And my run felt normal again, after more than a month of frustratingly declining performance. So, there you have it. I just forgot the most basic thing I already knew about zero-carb running. I ran the last race with a bottle of pickle juice. That is a need for me. And somehow the part of my brain that took care of that need just went to sleep for a couple of months.

But, you know what? I’m never sorry.

I have asked myself if maybe it was a trip I shouldn’t have taken. If maybe I should give up. Maybe God just doesn’t want me doing this. But then I imagined having stayed home, or deciding halfway through the race to give up, or just not lining up to begin with, and you know what?

Regret is far more painful than failure.

I’m glad I kept going. I’m glad I’ve got another finish under my belt. And while I was closer to the rear of things than I wanted to be, I’m glad had a chance to pray over a gal’s injured hamstring. (She beat me to the finish line!) I got to make people laugh and feel better about their plight, similar to mine, of being several miles from the end of something that turned out to be harder than expected. I wonder if God allowed this because he wanted my prayers and my sense of humor to be there for somebody.

I will race again, friends. Next time I will do it with all the salt, and hopefully a lot better circumstances in other ways. I could be wrong about the reason this was so bad, but I really don’t think I am. It was like a light switch being flipped when I dosed the salt this morning.

I’m thinking of a half or even a whole marathon in the spring, so we’ll have opportunity to at least to test the hypothesis. Until then, thanks again so much for making that learning experience possible, friends, by giving to my gofundme. You are truly a blessing, and I pray that God returns each of your kindnesses many times over!

 

Mad Scientist Goods

Posted on by

I know. Nobody reads product reviews. But PLEASE READ THIS ONE!

I wanted to tell you today about the magnesium cream from Mad Scientist Goods. You’ll recall from my last post that MSG are the friends who turned Jesse and me onto PEA, the substance that has given my husband back his life for the last three weeks. MSG are a husband and wife team who craft some very thoughtful products. The husband has a PhD in Medicinal Chemistry, so he’s not just some lowly handicraft-type soap-maker like myself. He actually knows what he’s doing. His wife is a perfect companion for him, being also extremely intelligent, knowledgeable, and artistic to boot, so that their stuff is not only well-formulated and efficacious, but also beautifully packaged, and appealing to the senses.

No product that comes from them is anything but the best quality. They research the dickens out of things, and then make sure everything is just right in the making of the products. That means you pay a little bit more for it, but I’m so happy to do so! I left this review on their magnesium cream page, but also wanted to direct any readers here who need magnesium supplementation to them.:

This stuff has been SO GOOD for our son’s poor sleep and abdominal migraines! Non-greasy, smells beautiful, and most importantly, seems to absorb better than any other topical magnesium I’ve tried. I use it after long runs to calm my legs down. They feel so relaxed and just *warm* after putting the cream on my feet.

My dog also tries to eat it, so it must taste good. Probably keep it out of reach of pets. It has a mild scent, barely there, but still enough to enjoy.

I’ve tried several magnesium sprays and creams and oral supplements, but for our needs, this cream has been the best thing ever. I ordered the small container listed on the website to start with, but we went through it so fast that MSG suggested I order a much larger batch. This size is not listed on the website, but they would likely be willing to do the same for others.

They were good enough to sell me two big containers like this for a good price. I’ve found MSG to be incredibly caring and easy to work with, and understanding of all of the needs we’ve had. If you have special needs, like ingredients you have to avoid, they may be able to help you come up with a solution! They’re available via email and social media, so reach out!

I’m using a lot of MSG stuff right now! I do not do paid or solicited product reviews. I hate doing most product reviews. There’s not a lot of room for creativity there. The few solicited reviews I’ve done that were creative ended up being…well, counterproductive for the advertiser. I’m afraid I’m not the best person to help anyone sell stuff. I’m doing this review because I really love these products and these people. I want to see Mad Scientist Goods succeed. If they stopped making their products, I’d be much worse off, so I need you to go make them successful, ok?

Go give my friends a browse and a buy, and I’ll come back with another review sooner or later.

 

17 Days

Posted on by

After 17 years.

Some time into my third pregnancy, my husband started having severe head and neck pain. The child I was carrying then turns seventeen before the end of this year, so today could very well be seventeen years to the day since the pain settled in to stay. I’ve alluded to some of the difficulties of living with chronic pain in the pages of this blog (most recently: Speaking of Oil: Seed oil, even). In all of his years enduring this suffering, my husband has not complained. He has not given up. He has not become hard to live with, as many invalids eventually do. He has kept his despair, of which there must have been innumerable moments, entirely to himself and remained steadfast in husbanding this household. I have no idea how he’s even held down a job while suffering so much, but he has somehow excelled at it, and kept the family materially comfortable with the proceeds of his work.

He called himself an invalid, a ghost. I call him my hero. 

After work, nearly every weekday for seventeen years, Jesse would collapse into bed, and try to sleep through the pain until the next day. On the weekends, he’d be ok for the early part of Saturday, doing what he could for the family, and then would be in bed until Monday morning, when he’d get up and do it all over again. Occasionally, he would have a whole good day, quite at random, as far as we could tell.

We tried every remedy we came across. Some things would seem to help a little, and then they’d stop. Some interventions (usually doctors’ pills and shots) made things worse. Nothing ever really helped. Eventually, we ran out of things to try, and we just got used to the pattern of pain.

We think we know what is the main cause of the pain. There are actually several things going on at once, and three different kinds of headache, to complicate things even more. People have always tried to be helpful, telling us what this person or that did for their headaches. This poor head simply doesn’t respond to any of the usual–or even unusual–treatments. We always tried to be patient when the suggestions from others became repetitive. We always hoped that maybe the next person to say something would have an idea that had a chance of working.

And finally, somebody said something that made a difference. Seventeen days ago (on the day I started writing this post), following the advice of my brilliant friends at Mad Scientist Goods, my husband started taking a supplement/compound known as PEA. That’s Polmitoethanolidontknowamide, for those who like a funny word to go with their pills. Well, heck. Where has this stuff been the last SEVENTEEN YEARS???

Turns out, it was there all along. It’s not new at all. I will not question why it took the Lord this long to show me this thing. I certainly have done enough research that I should have come across it long ago. But here we are now, finally, and this stuff seems to work! After all of the pills, injections, supplements, chiropractors, acupuncturists, prayers, anointings, and finally just submission to God’s will, Get Along Husband has been well for more than two weeks straight. Can I get a PRAISE THE LORD, friends?

Jesse doesn’t even have to take the PEA every day. Every third or fourth day does the trick. Whatever the problem is with his own chemistry, this compound takes up the slack and helps him beat the pain. He says it’s still there a little bit, but it’s faint, and easily ignored. He did have a scary day where he thought it was going to stop working, but it passed by the next morning without confining him to bed.

We’re having a hard time processing this, emotionally. I haven’t taken a meal up to our bedroom in seventeen days. My husband has been with us wherever we’ve gone. Every meal that he’s home, he’s at the table with us. He’s writing fiction at a frenetic pace, suddenly able to concentrate on his creative passions.

I really can’t state how different our lives are right now. I’ve been afraid to tell anybody about it! I’m scared to get too excited. I don’t know how it’s going to shake out. Is he just going to slip back eventually, like he’s done with every other thing that seemed to be working? Certainly none of them ever lasted this long, or worked this completely. After this many good days, I can’t help but have a great deal of hope that this really is the end of that season of our lives. (I’m also a little worried. With him around all the time to keep an eye on me, will I get away with my crazy shenanigans anymore?)

Praise God for this blessing with me, friends! Also pray for us to submit to whatever God’s will is going forward. We could be in a very exciting new place. There are so many opportunities for growth peeking over the horizon!

Or, and I hope you don’t take this as an expression of wavering faith, we may just be getting a breather before heading back into the Valley of the Shadow. I simply have no idea what to expect. I gave up trying to figure out what God is doing a long time ago. We’ve never not trusted Him for healing, and yet, we have had seventeen years of this. We have approached this with the understanding that sometimes God puts us in uncomfortable places for His own reasons. We’ve trusted that all of this would somehow work out for our good and for His glory. Kingdom work is going on in these desert places.

But, frankly and understandably, we would like to not go back. My most fervent prayer, after the prayer of praise, is to have that painful season of our lives behind us, and new challenges to face. It really was getting old.

Either way, God is working, guys! I know some folks who are in despair right now. Sleep deprivation, family members in the most pitiful of situations, chronic pain very similar to Jesse’s, difficult social and work situations, financial worries. I know it seems like it’s never going to end. I hope this helps you feel like there is still hope, even after years and years of trials.

Over the course of seventeen years, there’s been a lot of room for confusion and doubt. Is this a punishment? Has God decided that we should not have a normal life because we deserve it less than others, somehow? Do we have to work off some sin debt on this earth?

The answer is NO! Thank God, no. Read Psalm 103.

I’ve put in bold those verses that really minister to the hurting heart.:

Psalm 103, a psalm of David:

1Bless the LORD, O my soul:

And all that is within me, bless his holy name.
2Bless the LORD, O my soul,

And forget not all his benefits:

3Who forgiveth all thine iniquities;

Who healeth all thy diseases;

4Who redeemeth thy life from destruction;

Who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;

5Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things;

So that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

6The LORD executeth righteousness and judgment

For all that are oppressed.

7He made known his ways unto Moses,

His acts unto the children of Israel.

8The LORD is merciful and gracious,

Slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.

9He will not always chide:

Neither will he keep his anger for ever.

10He hath not dealt with us after our sins;

Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

11For as the heaven is high above the earth,

So great is his mercy toward them that fear him.

12As far as the east is from the west,

So far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

13Like as a father pitieth his children,

So the LORD pitieth them that fear him.

14For he knoweth our frame;

He remembereth that we are dust.

15 As for man, his days are as grass:

As a flower of the field, so he flourisheth.

16For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone;

And the place thereof shall know it no more.

17But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him,

And his righteousness unto children’s children;

18To such as keep his covenant,

And to those that remember his commandments to do them.

19The LORD hath prepared his throne in the heavens;

And his kingdom ruleth over all.

20Bless the LORD, ye his angels, that excel in strength,

That do his commandments, hearkening unto the voice of his word.

21Bless ye the LORD, all ye his hosts;

Ye ministers of his, that do his pleasure.

22Bless the LORD, all his works in all places of his dominion:

Bless the LORD, O my soul.

I know that the Lord is not punishing us according to our iniquities, but that he is ready to heal us, when the time is right. If you’ve got some similar burden, cling to this Psalm. Memorize it. Hold it in your heart as I have learned to. He remembers that we are dust, and He takes pity on us.

I can’t say when or how, but I trust that He will bring you through your valley, as well.