Carnbread Dressing

This diet just gets weirder and weirder.

I showed you earlier how to make a cornbread simulation I like to call Carnbread. Now let’s turn that oddly bread-like loaf into a stuffing for your Thanksgiving turkey! Or maybe your Thursday night chicken dinner, since this is January.

Carnbread stuffing is made in a similar manner to cornbread stuffing.

Carnbread Dressing

A meaty alternative to cornbread stuffing
Prep Time10 mins
Cook Time30 mins
Course: Side Dish
Cuisine: Carnivore
Keyword: carnivore, dairy free, keto
Servings: 10

Ingredients

  • 2 loaves carnbread
  • 2 tbsp dried sage
  • 2 tbsp dried minced onions a teaspoon of onion powder could also be used
  • 2 tbsp paprika
  • 2 tbsp dried parsley
  • 2 tsp salt
  • 1 tsp rosemary
  • 1 tsp celery seed
  • 2 tsp thyme
  • 1/4 tsp white pepper
  • 1/4 tsp black pepper

Instructions

  • Prepare one recipe of Carnivore Cornbread.
  • Optional, but helpful for a better texture: Freeze the bread overnight or longer, wrapped in plastic wrap or zipper bags, then allow to thaw before continuing.
  • Heat oven to 300 °F
  • Cut Carnbread into 1-inch cubes, and toss in a large bowl with all other ingredients.
  • Spread the cubes in a single layer onto two (or more) baking sheets
  • Bake in the oven until they are crunchy and turn golden brown.
  • Stir occasionally, and taste-test to see if they're as done as you like.
  • Now you have croutons! Stop here if you just want to snack on some croutons, or eat them with egg drop soup or something.
  • To make the dressing, mix the now-crispy croutons with two cups of warm poultry stock.

Stuffing (or dressing, I guess, since I never put it inside the bird) is my favorite part of the Thanksgiving meal. It was, anyway, before I figured out what all that delicious food was doing to my body. Good news, carnivores: we don’t have to miss out on the stuffing experience! This stuff is so close to bread stuffing that I think I could have served it without explanation on Thanksgiving and nobody would have figured out that it’s not made of bread. They wouldn’t have thought it was normal bread, to be sure. The texture isn’t exactly right, so maybe they’d have guessed it was one of those Ezekiel breads or gluten-free breads.

As with any carnivore recipe, you can and should leave out any and all spices that you don’t eat. On special occasions, I go ahead and use the spices I normally skip. I served this dish right alongside my bread stuffing. Guess which one people preferred? This dressing is really good! I don’t know if I would actually put it inside a turkey and bake it. That would probably be soggy and eggy-tasting. Let me know if you decide to try it. I’m not that brave.

Carnivore Cornbread

AKA Carnbread

Recipe first. We’ll talk later.

Carnivore Cornbread

A fairly bready substitute for cornbread
Prep Time5 mins
Cook Time40 mins
Servings: 10

Equipment

  • 2 loaf pans
  • 1 blender

Ingredients

  • butter, bacon grease, or lard for greasing pans
  • 3 12.5 oz cans canned, cooked chicken, well-drained Sub your own pre-cooked chicken if you like.
  • 14 large eggs
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1 tsp cream of tartar
  • 1 tsp salt I use Redmond's Real salt. If you use regular table salt, you may want to halve the amount.
  • 4 tbsp unsalted butter
  • 1/2 tsp crushed dried rosemary (Optional, helps with the eggy flavor)
  • or 2 Tbsp Lakanto monkfruit or other keto-friendly sweetener (Optional, for a sweet version. Omit rosemary if choosing this option.)

Instructions

  • Heat oven to 350°F.
  • Grease the two loaf pans. If the pans are cast iron, put them into the pre-heating oven to warm up.
  • Blend the drained chicken and eggs in a blender until thoroughly mixed.
  • Divide the batter into the loaf pans.
  • Bake for about 50 minutes, or until the "bread" has completely set.
  • Turn out immediately onto a cooling rack to cool.

I don’t do a lot of food substitutes. If I can’t eat a thing, I don’t often try to make something similar to fill that niche in my diet. However, there are occasions–Thanksgiving, Christmas, days-ending-in-y-when-I’m-tired-of-the-same-old-same-old–when a little bready substance seems like it would hit the spot. This recipe evolved from several carnivore recipes I’ve found online that weren’t big enough–or tasty enough, frankly–to feed my large family. I used this recipe recently to make croutons which then became a carnivore “stuffing” to go with our Thanksgiving turkey. The recipe for that is coming soon. Everybody said that my version was just as good as the gluten-free bread version I made for the normal people, and it disappeared just as fast, so I guess they were telling the truth!

A word of warning for the unwary: a slice of real bread has nothing like the nutrient profile of a slice of this fake bread bread simulation. So when you’re eating carnbread (as I just decided to rename it), it is not going to serve the same function as cornbread. You’ll fill up very quickly on this loaf. I ate a few slices last night as my main course, simply buttered and dipped in a delicious meat stock. It was a very satisfying meal.

I’ve poured the batter into individual-size casserole dishes that made loaves just the right size for a hamburger bun, and that works beautifully for a cookout where you’d like to be able to eat a sandwich just like everybody else. Goes great with my homemade clean mayo. You might not be able to eat the whole sandwich, though. It is a lot of food.

You could also use a couple of well-greased muffin tins to make cornbread muffins. Just watch the cooking times as you change the shape and size.

I haven’t actually tried sweetening the bread for a dessert-like treat yet, but I have it in my head to do a maple and vanilla flavored one sometime. Since it doesn’t taste very chickeny, but is a little eggy, I think it will be pretty tasty. I’ll report back on that if I ever do it. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this recipe!

Let me know via Gab, MeWe, or SG if you try it. Or if you refuse to try it. Whatever, just come talk to me!

 

 

 

Steak Crisps

I wouldn’t want to name them ‘beef chips’.

The thing I miss the most about eating carbs is crispy textures. I love potato chips, crackers, crisp cookies. I don’t love what those things do to my body, though, so I’ve stayed away for years. You can buy crispy carnivore snacks, but I can’t afford that stuff.

What I’ve taken to doing is as simple as can be, and not at all expensive if you can find these on sale. My favorite local grocery store frequently sells the steak-um style beef sheets for 2 for $5.

This is not even a recipe, it’s so simple.

  1. Lay your sheets out in the food dehydrator on the wire racks. I put one of the plastic fruit-leather pans on the bottom rack to catch any drips of fat. Do remove the paper that separates the meat-sheets. I left them on once, and the food stuck to it. Very disappointing.
  2. Salt or season to taste. I usually use plain Redmond’s Real Salt. The smoked salt was delicious, but sprinkle very lightly. The bigger crystals will overwhelm the flavor.
  3. Dry at around 160°F for 12 hours.

Eat them right away or bag them up for later. I keep them in the fridge. It doesn’t take us long to eat them all, so I’m not sure how shelf-stable or travelable they are.

Doggies will want some. Don’t be stingy:

Carnivore Waffles and Keto Maple-flavored Syrup

You know, for kids!

As usual, recipe up front, babbling about it below:

Carnivore Waffles

100% Animal-based waffles
Prep Time5 mins
Cook Time20 mins
Course: Breakfast
Cuisine: Carnivore
Keyword: carnivore, keto, low carb
Servings: 8

Equipment

  • waffle maker
  • blender

Ingredients

  • 10 eggs
  • 1 lbs breakfast sausage Other ground meats could be substituted for different tastes/textures

Instructions

  • Blend eggs and sausage together until the mixture is a smooth batter.
  • Cook, 1/2 cup at a time, in a waffle maker on its highest setting.
  • Remove finished waffles to an oven on 200˚ F to keep warm until ready to serve.

Notes

This recipe easily doubles and triples to feed a crowd. 

Keto Maple-flavored Syrup

A low-carb syrup
Prep Time1 min
Cook Time5 mins
Course: Breakfast
Keyword: keto, low carb, sugar-free
Servings: 8

Ingredients

  • 1 tsp xanthan gum
  • 1/4 cup water
  • 2 cups water
  • 2/3 cups erythritol/stevia granulated sweetener (I prefer the Pyure brand) or your preferred low-carb sweetener
  • 1 tbsp maple extract other extracts, such as vanilla, may be used as well
  • 1 pinch salt

Instructions

  • Whisk xanthan gum into 1/4 cup water and set aside.
  • Whisk sweetener and salt into 2 cups water in a small saucepan.
  • Heat syrup mixture until sweetener is dissolved, then remove from heat.
  • Whisk in maple or other flavorings and xanthan gum mixture.

Notes

This recipe doubles and triples easily to feed a crowd.

Somebody was asking me the other day (as they frequently do) what my kids are eating. I don’t hold them to a carnivore, or even a keto regime, but I’m not putting any more sugar in their lives than is good for them, either. We don’t want a blood sugar spike and drop to start our day off with a case of the grumpies. I give them their starches later in the day when their bodies are better able to use the sugars.

I make these waffles on special occasions, or just the odd laid-back Saturday. Carb addicts and strict carnivores will want to skip the syrup and just eat these waffles as a bread. I like to spread them with butter, or maybe add some diced ham to the batter for extra flavor and protein. It’s a really forgiving recipe to play with. Enjoy!

 

Keto Crustless Lemon Meringue Pie

You can double this recipe, or triple it, very easily, to make it into a pie large enough to share with others. For this, you would want a crust, which I haven’t included in this recipe. I’ll add a low-carb pie crust in a new post. Or you could just do a web search. There are lots of recipes out there.

keto lemon meringue

This 2-serving crustless pie ended up being consumed by me and six small people. I gave them about a third of it, a big bite each. This breakfast ended up being my only meal of the day, it was so filling. You could make this a dessert and serve four fat-adapted people instead of two, but for me it’s a treat and a meal. Do not attempt to feed this as a dessert to people who ate carbohydrates with their meal. They’ll probably die.

Keto Lemon Meringue Pie

A crustless dessert made of lemon curd and meringue
Prep Time10 mins
Cook Time5 mins
Cooling time3 hrs
Total Time3 hrs 10 mins
Course: Dessert
Cuisine: Keto
Keyword: keto, low carb
Servings: 2
Author: GAHCindy

Ingredients

  • 6 egg yolks
  • 5 tbsp butter or ghee
  • 2 tbsp erythritol/stevia blend sweetener adjust to personal preference
  • 1 lemon, juiced and zested
  • 2 or 3 egg whites have at room temperature for best results
  • 1 tsp erythritol/stevia blend sweetener adjust to personal preference
  • 1/4 tsp cream of tartar

Instructions

  • Combine in a saucepan the egg yolks, butter or ghee, 2 T sweetener, lemon zest, and lemon juice.
  • Over medium heat, stir the mixture until it begins to thicken.
  • When the curd coats a spoon and begins to pull away from the bottom and sides of the pan with stirring, remove from heat.
  • Strain out lemon zest and lumps with a jelly strainer to leave a smooth curd.
  • Pour the curd into 2 individual ramekins or an 8-ounce baking dish.
  • Refrigerate for at least 3 hours, until completely cooled.
  • Just before serving, use a hand mixer or stand mixer to whip two to three of the reserved egg whites with 1 teaspoon of sweetener and the cream of tartar. Beat until stiff peaks form.
  • Spoon or pipe beaten egg whites onto the top of the lemon curd.
  • Place under a low broiler until meringue is browned. Watch carefully, as this goes very quickly!
  • Serve immediately, or hide in the schoolroom and eat both servings yourself.

If you’re strictly carnivore (and I typically am, but I can get away with some lemon juice and sweetener, so why not?), you can make a savory version by leaving out the plant stuff and adding just salt, whatever seasonings you tolerate, and a tablespoon or so of chicken broth. It tastes like little more than eggs and butter, but the texture is a very different experience. I quite like it.

 

Homemade CLEAN Mayo

Do you hate it as much as I do when a blogger posts seventeen paragraphs of text before giving you the recipe? Here ya go. Scroll on down for the blog post, if you care for it:

Clean Keto Mayonnaise

A healthy mayo that uses no seed oils or sugar
Prep Time5 mins
Course: Condiment
Keyword: keto

Equipment

  • Immersion blender

Ingredients

Instructions

  • Add all ingredients except coconut oil to a wide mouthed glass jar (or whatever you'd like to store your mayo in).
  • Slowly drizzle the coconut oil into the rest of the ingredients as you blend with your immersion blender.

Notes

This recipe doubles easily. 
You can add any number of herbs and spices to this to punch it up even more. 

Anybody can make mayonnaise, and from almost any oil. It’s not even hard, so why doesn’t everybody do it? Well, the devil is in the details. With most mayos, you have to choose two of the following three things: healthy fat, great taste, pleasant mouthfeel. You’ll be glad to hear that I’ve exorcised this particular demon for you, so you can now have the best possible mayonnaise, without compromising your health.

Most any mayo you find in the grocery store, even the ones that tout their use of healthy fruit oils like olive or avocado, still use canola or soybean oil as their base. You can get a few clean brands (Primal Kitchen is pretty good), but they cost so much it’s hard to stomach the purchase. They also don’t taste as good as this mayo does, in my opinion.

There’s a good reason for the use of seed oils in mainstream mayonnaises, beyond their cheapness. It is just really hard to emulsify animal fats into a properly textured mayonnaise. Olive oil has a whang to it that makes it less than desirable for that particular application, and avocado oil is even more expensive. Also, a lot of people are allergic to avocados.

A lot of carnivores love bacon grease mayo. I don’t care for either the taste or the texture. Some use lard, barely melted on the stove, but I don’t like the texture of that, either. Good coconut oil is too solid for the job.

But we really like our mayonnaise around here. So what to do?

I have found just one product that I can both afford and that gives the flavor and mouthfeel of the very best mayonnaise. It’s a liquid coconut oil from Carrington Farms. (I don’t receive any compensation from my links. I just like the product.) One bottle, costing less than $12 gives me about 4 cups of mayonnaise, which makes it a sight less expensive than the paleo-type mayo that you find in the store for $12 a pint.

I can’t personally consume it because coconut oil taken internally gives me a rash, but Get Along Husband and the kids love it. I hope you enjoy it, too!

 

 

 

 

Basic Keto Layer Cake

This is not cake. This is Cake Simulator.

If you’re trying to avoid carbs for the holidays, and need some cheats to get past the dessert trap, here’s a nice way to fool your brain into thinking it’s getting sugar. This Basic Keto Layer Cake recipe has zero blood sugar impact for me. It has never knocked me out of ketosis (NTTAWWT). Everybody is a little bit different with sweeteners, so I recommend using one you know is good for you. The erythritol/stevia blends are the best options I’ve found.

Like most of the things we eat around here, this cake is very specific to our family’s allergy needs. This recipe is made without nuts, grains, or dairy.

chocolate frosted chocolate layer cake

You get no professional-looking photos on this blog. 😉

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